9. Stop the world.

Everything about being a parent intrigued me and motivated me to do further research. My courses on human development and parenting were fabulous. In fact most of my classmates were educators taking a relatively easy course to complete their credits towards graduation. With a very simple curriculum, the most complicated part was to fulfill the requirement of writing a journal that every week was read by a very nice and articulated Lady Doctor who was our instructor. Her PhD degree did not by any means interfere with her simplicity and great sensitivity as a grandmother.

The journal that we wrote as students was focused on either the function of being a parent or the role as a son/daughter as best suited each of us at the moment. For me, writing that journal was a delight. At the end of the semester I obtained the highest grade with the least effort and I learned one of the most determining things in my life and in my career. I discovered a fact that I used as a frame of reference that influenced me for the mission in life I was embracing, and that was: The methods and techniques used to educate our children had remained the same practically for the last 500 years!

8. Shoulda, coulda, woulda…

What was it in fact that I could, should, must or would do with my daughter? How much or what were the limits of what I could do for her? Aside from feeding, taking care of and protecting her, what was my role. Was my role limited to crossing my fingers and hoping everything would be “fine” after taking her to the doctor, to school, church, ballet, swimming and therapy? Or could I develop a plan, a profile, create for myself a more effective position, apply myself and execute a more determined, more powerful, more pro-active and meaningful role in the life of my daughter?

I could do no less than that, and I loved the challenge. There is nothing more divine in human life than the power to transform it. As my father said to the gypsy woman who tried to for-tell his fortune: “I do not want you to read my fortune, I want you to change it!”

7. The piece.

I often reflected on all those human development theories that I was then studying. I pondered all the myths and oral traditions of those whom supposedly knew everything about “raising kids”. I applied myself into discovering even the most insignificant piece of common sense in all the puzzle that then represented the raising and education of my daughter. Would my girl be a spiritual being who came into this planet to live a human experience as motivation speakers used to say? Had she arrived to this world with the “tabula rasa” of Rousseau ready for me to mold her life, personality and destiny? Should I follow to a “t” the advice suggested by “ bestseller #1 in history: the Bible? Or should I replace the biblical study with practical advice from “bestseller # 2″: “Baby and Child Care” by Dr Benjamin Spock? Or maybe all her destiny was already pre-determined by an astral letter or the lines of her hand?

Would I need to seriously analyze Nostradamus prophecies to discover her future? Would her temperament be designated sanguine, phlegmatic, melancholic or choleric as detailed by Hippocrates? Would she carry for life the traumatic baggage of the Freudian cult? Would she inherit the collective unconscious that Jung suggested, or would she share with all the Americans the manifest destiny of Monroe? Would the genetic characteristics of her personality be predetermined and reinforced by the double helix of DNA exposed by Watson and Crick or would she find herself affected by the karma of my mistakes and those of my ancestors?

6. “Don’t worry, be happy”.

That semester I started to analyze everything that concerned parenting practices. It was the second half of the 70′s. I used to observe mothers singing lullabies with canvas baby carriers that opened like fans, listened to them asking their kids to behave in the supermarket, preparing them vegetarian burgers and fruit yogurt, watched daddies carrying babies on their backpacks and buying disposable diapers, couples taking Lamaze classes, little girls without crinolines and starched dresses, boys in denim and embroidered crude shirts. All with long hair to the wind. It was definitively a generation with relaxed parents, closer to their children, but worried about the atmosphere, nature, nutrition and freedom. It was also a generation of young adult surrounded and hunted by the greatest ambush that any generation of youngsters had ever faced before : drugs.

It was very difficult to see as young people of my age change so much with age. Kids that went to school with me and listened with me the fabulous music of those times began to live uncontrolled lives of adolescents that first made of “irresponsibility” a game and then a dangerous “modus vivendi”.

My life nevertheless, had put me in a position in which far from throwing in the instantaneous allowance of indolence and carelessness, gave me the opportunity to occupy me with a VIP Job. I felt important, a key person for somebody, able to protect another human being and object  of the blind faith and unconditional love of this creature. What a great fortune.

5. S.O.S..

Just graduated in June from High School, with a newborn baby in my arms in November and on the verge of beginning my university in January, I wondered how I would do to educate and be educated. I had a wonderful Christmas and felt very happy while I prepared myself for a new year full of new challenges. At that age, a single word described everything that I needed and wanted to be: Responsible. I had heard and analyzed that word many times in my then short life: “You must be responsible”. To be responsible for me meant that one is “able” to “respond” to the challenges in life.

Of course I was trying my best, considering I was facing several challenges in my life then.. The academic challenges of college, the decision to remain without a partner in another country, living in another culture and speaking another language, plus holding a job that could help us survive and most of all the challenge I liked best and worried me the most: being a mommy.

All those challenges revolved around the most important responsibility of them all: my first priority would always be my little girl, then I would organize everything to reach my personal goals as long as they adjusted to that first priority. In college I selected all the courses on child development I could take and with my baby girl with 45 days from being born, I initiated my two first courses on becoming an effective mother. I was extremely happy, things were going well and I thanked God for the great privilege of educating myself to be a good mother. It was the best thing than I could have done.

4. Carousel.

This revolving door of human events becomes sometimes an amusing carousel. It is in fact what happens upon each entrance and its respective exit, that life and its lessons are carried out linking and giving form to our human trajectory. The entrances are always welcomes, hopes, investments, challenges, curiosity, new opportunities. The exits are farewells, results, harvests, losses, resignation, rest. Both entail an extensive range of emotions and both need a period of preparation and a period of adjustment. Both imply change, resistance, rebelliousness and fights against inertia.

We cannot remember the day in which we entered the house of our parents for the first time. Of course we all deserve a loving welcome, although it is not always the case. I have the fortune to have a welcome script written by my parents before my birth. On the other hand, few can say that the day they left their parents home was a joyful day marked by happiness and celebration. Certainly for me that was not one of my best days.

Without realizing it, our children come and fill our lives with blessings. Without realizing it children leave our house to follow their dreams, and in spite of that empty nest sensation their blessings remain with us always. So in that moment of goodbye, the least we can do is to pack that last baggage we certainly do not prepare for them, a great and generous blessing not only in fair correspondence, but to make patent that what for us is the end of a cycle, for them is the wonderful entrance to their own self-realization and opportunity of being happy. Each person leading their own carousel.

3. IN and OUT.

Life is a succession of entrances and exits. From the mere moment of conception to that last instant in which we leave the human plane and speaking as a Christian we enter the celestial mansion.

Entering the parenting workforce means and endless list of entrances and exits to the hospital, house, schools, church, stores, parks of amusement, etc. It certainly happened during my daughter’s childhood. I still remember when at 15 days of being born and clock in hand I realized that the white nourishing product that had entered my baby’s system had not exited accordingly. Prey of typical fear of first time mothers and being a Sunday I had no other option than take her to emergency room and to celebrate her first 2 weeks during the hospital visit. It took me 2 years to pay off the bills of pediatric doctors that left their Sunday golf to go and certify that there was nothing wrong with the baby, problem was that the mother needed to relax.

Still under my trial period, I then realized that if I wished to perform my job well as a mother and obtain optimal results: I needed support. There were still many decision making moments ahead of us. I wanted to enter each stage of my daughter’s life along her with her full of enthusiasm and watch her grow into her shining future. To this point I could predict that each stage would bring about a new challenge. I would leave each stage behind, as she learned to walk, when she would leave home for school, when she would go out to play with friends, when she had her first crush, when she graduated, when she traveled, when she married.

Everything seemed to tell me that my new role would take me through a revolving door which would continually take me from one stage to next one. How many small and big decisions to make every day. Something really overwhelming for someone without the needed education. I was to perform a job in a position I did not know, that I could not take lightly and from which I would never try to leave. I had entered into this position to stay and perform the most exciting, passionate and delicate task that any human being can do: Be a parent, mother or father of another human being.

2. Pink blankets and pink slips.

After that day in the hospital I remained under contract. This baby girl cared little for the fact that I had neither the experience nor the education needed to fill this position. My schedule would be 24/7/365, and for now I must report every 3 hours, adjustments would be made according to her needs. Something extremely important would be to forsee orders, have good rhythm, have a fond liking for the opera and a very tolerant sense of smell.

I took these requirements quite seriously and I did not sleep much during the first nights. I worried about not having a guidebook, an instructions manual or a job description at least. Lacking all the mentioned items I opted for having her under strict observation and intensive care, although she was very healthy. For the first time in my life I became fixed with the clock and was careful there being no doubts about my punctuality. Having my own mother close-by as a coach, I decided to impress everyone with my self-suficiency. But by the third day my mother asked: “Hey we have not heard the baby cry, we don’t even know how she cries”. I didn’t understood why was it necessary for the baby to cry.. again! Nevertheless, something happened at this point that made me have more relaxed days: Her first smile! This smile and those that followed became the joy that filled my wonderful experience as a mother. I adore her smile.

On the day of her wedding, all dressed in white, she asked for my blessing before heading to the church, filled with emotion I smiled at her tenderly. She was practically giving me the pink slip for the little functions that still remained in my contract, but the happiness I saw in her face compensated beyond the contract all my hard work.

1. Position Available: Mom

My adolescence culminated on a Monday in November in a hospital room with a baby girl in my arms.

Those big eyes searched only for me. Only my warmth was familiar to her. It seemed like someone had told her: Listen, this person that had you in her belly will take care of you. Her breasts will feed you. Her arms will rock you, and protect you. Her voice will sing you lullabies and teach you words. Her hands will caress and guide you through life. Her lips will give you smiles and kisses. Her glance will give you self-assurance and appreciation, and that heart that once beat besides you, will always be filled with love for you. You are her responsibility. She is your mother.

Without knowing well what all this meant and entailed, I embraced my new role with all my soul. I was delighted with all kinds of plans to become the best mom this little girl could have. There had to be a system to do this.

The little girl grew up with strong roots that helped her stand her ground during the monsoon seasons. She developed within a resilient core like that of a bamboo stem that helped her recover and strengthen after the storms. She blossomed into a lovely young girl sometimes shy and fragile, sometimes generous and energetic. Right in front of my eyes she transformed into a beautiful and intelligent young woman able to make her own decisions, create ideas and solutions and cope within diverse cultures. She learned to cook and use the drill, to knit and change tires, to manage projects and lead teams. She was now ready to start the flight. That was what her wings were meant for.